Campaign
Christmas Humor
(Both Naughty and
Nice....) ;)
'
"HURRY-UP ANDY!"
To the tune of "Sleigh Ride"
Click here to visit this musical page.
By Paula Blake
"The Campaign Song"
To the tune of
"The Wassail Song"
Click here
to view
By Diane F.
"A Christmas Carol for Today"
By Maggie Birge
Click here for this
Holiday story
How Lord Phandon Stole Christmas
By Diane Flogerzi and Maggie Birge
Illustrations by Sally Scheef
Click here ONLY if you have a sense of humor!!!!
'Twas The Night Before Christmas, A Phantom's Tale
By Diane F.
'Twas the night before Christmas, and down in his Lair,
The Phantom was sitting, all alone in his chair.
Around him mementos from his days on the stage,
When his passionate performance was once all the rage.
He stood slowly, then glided over to peer into his mirror,
And magically the far away festivities at Sydmonton Hall did appear.
Madeleine dressed in her finery and Lord Lloyd-Webber in cravat,
They were looking quite splendid, as did the room where they sat.
Deciding to visit the domestic scene that had appeared,
The Phantom walked determinedly and majestically right through the mirror.
Developing in front of Lord Webber who sprang to feet with a clatter,
Madeleine gasped and asked, "Erik, whatever now is the matter?"
Away to the piano the Phantom flew like a flash,
And swept off all the photos, that fell to floor with a crash.
He sat down at the instrument and began sadly to play,
The beautiful music that was once such a part of his days.
When, what to Lord Webber's wondering eyes should appear,
But slowly down Erik's cheek ran a small silent tear...
The Phantom turned suddenly towards the lord and said then,
Can you not remember all that you promised back when?
You and your cohorts, a Phantom film version were to record,
My legendary portrayal as performed on the boards!
Along with Meyer and Fellman, Di Bonaventura and Horn,
You have denied and betrayed me, turned away in your scorn.
To the whole of the world, despite all pleas from the fans!
You then cast Antonio Banderas, stating HE was the man!
The Phantom stood up from the piano, and out the window did fly;
They gave him no obstacle, as he arose towards the sky.
Back to Paris and his welcoming Lair he now flew,
To exact his revenge, with thought to start all anew.
He arrived in a twinkling, and started formulating the plan,
To bring permanence to his performance, forever to all man.
He sat down at his table and penned with beautiful hand,
A new script that would please both the Film Industry and fans.
He wrote silently and quietly throughout all the night;
Stopped his scribbling for nothing, finishing at mornings light.
The bundle of papers he flung into a pack,
Through the mirror to Lord Webber's abode he went back!
His eyes -- how they twinkled! His laughter was merry!
The screenplay and plan for the film would not tarry!
His poor deformed mouth was drawn up like a bow,
On one side of his face was the mask white as snow.
Walking straight towards His Lordship tightly clenching his teeth,
He encircled around him and continued to seethe.
Lord Webber's face showed dismay and his round little belly,
Shook in fear before Erik like a bowl full of jelly.
He was downcast and tormented, a right sorry old elf,
And the Phantom began laughing in spite of himself!
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Told the lord, do his bidding and have nothing to dread!
He spoke no more words, but removed from his pack,
The screenplay that would repair what prior scripts had all lacked.
Then laying his finger along side the lord's nose,
His Lordship nodded agreement and the true Phantom he chose!!
They clasped hands in promise, now the film's history to be;
The legend captured forever, for all mankind to see!
Then away they both turned towards the future now bright!
Erik forever is Phantom, singing "The Music of the Night!!"
The End :)
"Phantom Fans want Michael Crawford!"
Song to the tune: "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
By Donna Nalley
Antonio...You better not sing,
You better not try.
You can't play Erik and we're telling you why.
Phantom Fans want Michael Crawford!
We've made a list
Stated it MORE than twice
You playing Erik is Naughty NOT Nice.
Phantom Fans want Michael Crawford!
We hear Michael when we're sleeping,
We hear Michael when we're awake,
We know which singer is Bad or Good
Must we say it again, for goodness sake?
Antonio...You better not sing,
You better not try,
You can't play Erik and we're telling you why.
Phantom Fans want MICHAEL CRAWFORD!!
My Holiday Wishes to All!
Donna:)
"MIKEY THE PHANTOM SINGER!"
(Sung to the tune of "Rudolf The Red Nosed Reindeer!")
By Paula Blake
Mikey The Phantom Singer,
had a very lovely voice!
And if you ever heard him,
you'd know HE'S THE ONLY CHOICE!
All of the Powers That Be-ee,
used to scoff and cast around,
for some other movie Phantom,
but Le Strut was all they found!:(
Then one starry Christmas Eve,
Lord Webber came to say,
"Mikey, with your voice so right,
sign here for the role tonight!" :)
Then how the public loved him,
shouting out with one accord,
"Mikey The Phantom Singer,
deserves an Academy Award!!"
(Cheers! Applause!)
"A Bright New Year"
To the tune of "White Christmas"
By Maggie Birge
(My apologies to Irving Berlin and Bing Crosby for this, but one of Santa's more mischievous elves just dropped this one down my chimney!)
I’m dreaming of a bright New Year,
Just like the one we’re working for.
Where the movie’s finished,
And not diminished
By leaving songs out of the score.
I’m dreaming of a bright New Year,
With every dream of ours come true.
Michael Crawford singing anew
As the Phantom, the role that is his due.
And here is Rosemary Kord's version...
"I'm Dreaming of a Phantom Movie"
By Rosey
With apologies to Irving Berlin...
I'm dreaming of a Phantom movie,
Just like the show I've come to know,
Where Lord Webber listens,
And Crawford's talent glistens,
And fulfills a promise of long ago
I'm dreaming of a Phantom movie,
With every pleading note I write,
May your decision be fair and right,
So we may again cherish
The Music of the Night.
"12 Days of Filming the Phantom Movie"
By Melinda
On the first day of filming the Phantom Movie.
An Antonio singing off key.
On the second day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Two tortured songs and an Antonio singing off key.
On the third day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Three French men, two tortured songs and an
Antonio singing off key.
On the fourth day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Four more dirty words, three French men, two
tortured songs and an Antonio singing off key.
On the fifth day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Ben Elton pens, four more dirty words, three
French men, two tortured songs and an Antonio
singing off key.
On the sixth day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Six producers a-praying, Ben Elton pens, four more
dirty words, three French men, two tortured songs and
an Antonio singing off key.
On the seventh day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Seven soundmen a-screaming, six producers a-praying,
Ben Elton pens, four more dirty words, three
French men, two tortured songs and an Antonio
singing off key.
On the eighth day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Eight microphones a-melting, seven soundmen a-screaming, six producers
a-praying, Ben Elton pens, four more dirty words, three French men,
two tortured songs and an Antonio singing off key.
On the nineth day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Nine cameramen a-cursing, eight microphones a-melting, seven soundmen
a-screaming, six producers a-praying, Ben Elton pens, four more dirty
words, three French men, two tortured songs and an
Antonio singing off key.
After the tenth day of filming the Phantom Movie.
Ten days of Lord Webber a-weeping, nine cameramen a-cursing, eight
microphones a-melting, seven soundmen a-screaming, six producers
a-praying, Ben Elton pens, four more dirty words, three French men,
two tortured songs and an Antonio singing off key.
After the eleventh day of filming the Phantom Movie. Eleven critics a-panning,
ten days of Lord Webber a-weeping, nine cameramen a-cursing, eight
microphones a-melting, seven soundmen a-screaming, six producers a-praying,
Ben Elton pens, four more dirty words, three Frenchmen, two tortured songs
and an Antonio singing off key.
After the twelfth day of filming the Phantom Movie. Twelve million phans
a-phuming, eleven critics a-panning, ten days of Lord Webber a-weeping,
nine cameramen a-cursing, eight microphones a-melting, seven soundmen
a-screaming, six producers a-praying, Ben Elton pens, four more dirty
words, three French men, two tortured songs and an Antonio still singing
off key.
"DO YOU HEAR WHAT WE HEAR?"
By Kelly
Said the people to the powers that be,
Do you see what we see?
Way up in your towers at WB?
Do you see what we see?
A star, a star, singing in the night,
With a heart so big and so bright,
With a heart so big and so bright!
Said the people to the lord over the sea,
Do you hear what we hear?
Ringing through the sky, so pure and so free,
Do you hear what we hear?
A song, a song, high above the trees,
With a voice as big as the sea,
With a voice as big as the sea!
Said the people to the powers that be,
Do you know what we know?
In your towers warm, at WB?
Do you know what we know?
Don't leave our phantom out there in the cold,
Let him bring you your silver and gold,
Let him bring your silver and gold!
Said the campaign to people everywhere,
Listen to what we say!
Spread the news to people, everywhere.
Cast Michael with no more delay!
A star, a star, with voice wondrous and bright,
He will bring us the music of the night,
He will bring us the music of the night!
"Happy Christmas Lord Lloyd-Webber"
[To John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”]
By Diane F.
So this is Christmas,
And what have you done?
Another year over,
And a new one about begun…
And so this is Christmas,
We hope you have fun…
While we still campaign on,
As the movie’s not won…
A very Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year…
Let's hope it's a good one,
And you’ll cast Michael this year…
And so this is Christmas,
And the campaign goes on…
It will still continue,
’Till the issue’s been won…
And so happy Christmas!
Let’s stop all the fight…
Let Michael sing once more,
The Music of the Night…
A very Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year…
Let's hope it's a good one,
You’ll cast Michael this year…
And so this is Christmas,
And what have you done?
Another year over,
And a new one about begun…
And so happy Christmas,
We hope you have fun…
While we still campaign on,
As the movie’s not won...
A very Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year…
Let's hope it's a good one…
And we’ll shed no more tears…
Our War is over, if you want it,
War is over now…
(Lord Lloyd-Webber, get the HINT???)
TMCPMC version of "Jingle Bells."
By Maggie Birge
(For this "naughty" version Maggie received a lump of coal and
time at the Campaign Chalkboard....) ;)
Pacing to and fro,
And wailing all the way.
Crying, "No, no, no!
It can't be what you say.
Phantom is your best,
You can not change a thing.
Why on earth are you obssessed
With an actor who can't sing?
Oh…
We all know, we all know
Andrew is a twit.
Wants to change his Phantom show
And give us all a fit!
"Living in a Phantom Wonderland!"
(To the tune of: "Walking in a Winter Wonderland")
By Donna Nalley
Phantom sings...Are you listening?
Hear the voice...how it's glistening.
A beautiful sound...hear it all around,
Living in a Phantom Wonderland!
Webber thinks that he can use Antonio
And pretend that he is A-Ok.
He'll say isn't he great? We'll say "No Sir.
But you know who to use, so why delay?"
Later on campaigners conspire.
As our passion...burns like a fire.
It's Michael we want...
Our Angel of Music we want.
Living in a Phantom Wonderland.
Andrew's not listening, Nor is WB
They believe that they know what is best.
"Listen to US, we know what we're doing."
But to the Fans it sounds like quite a Mess!
Michael sings...Are you listening?
Hear his voice...how it's glistening!
This is the sound...Fans want all around,
Living in a Phantom Wonderland.
Living in a Phantom Wonderland!!
Donna:)
"Michael, The Worlds-Best Singer"
(To the tune of "Ruldoph the Red Nosed Reindeer")
By Christine
Michael, the worlds-best singer,
Had such an amazing voice, (echo: like an angel!)
And if you ever heard him,
You would say he's amazing! (echo: beyond compare!)
All of the powers that be-e,
Used to laugh and call him names, (echo: like washed up!)
They wouldn't let poor Michael,
Act in any new movies. (like The Phantom)
Then one sad and hopeless day,
Webber came to say, "Michael with your voice so bright,
Won't you guide my movie from on tonight?"
Then all the powers that be loved him,
As they shouted out with glee! (MONEY!)
Michael, the worlds best singer,
You'll go down in history! (but you already were!)
"Campaign Ribbons"
by Audrey Aucott
I came to this site one night and when I left I said a prayer.
Give the mask to Michael Crawford, return him to the Phantom’s lair.
Lord, how could they cast another? They all know it’s so unfair.
They should share our strong misgivings, but money talks, so they don’t care.
All these months, our hearts still aching, reason shows no sign of waking.
We speak again and hope we’re read by the new management over there.
We want Michael, Michael only, Crawford in the Phantom’s lair.
We send letters by the hundred. We’re in papers everywhere.
Thousands call for Michael Crawford! How can they be unaware?
Audrey Aucott
{"And the Angel of Music sings songs in my head... } :)
"Rocking Around the Campaign Site"
(Sung to "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree")
By Diane F.
Rocking around the Campaign site
At the Campaign party hop,
Parodies posted where you can see
The casting of Le Strut we try to stop.
Rocking around the Campaign site,
Let the Christmas spirit ring!
Later we'll write the Powers that Be
And do more serious campaigning.
You will get a sentimental
Feeling when you hear,
Michael singing, let's be jolly,
Deck the site with boughs of holly!
Rocking around the Campaign site,
Have a happy holiday!
Everyone posting merrily
In the new old-fashioned way!
Page illustration by Romil Ilagan