It's strange but I think we have been too preoccupied with who's going to play the Phantom. And Christine. And Raoul... {{Feste is probably going off topic.}} And have you thought about the orchestra? I suppose I have the perfect man... sorry, person to play the organ. So, all of you out there prick up your ears... {{Feste sits back an relaxes.}}
AUCTIONEER
(spoken) Lot 665, ladies
and gentlemen: a papier-maché musical box, in the shape of a barrel-organ.
Attached, the figure of a monkey...
'Oops! A MISTAKE!!!' While this thought flashes through my mind there's a sudden commotion in the orchestra pit. By the sounds (of stamping feet) seems that there's a gridlock at the door. And the drummer is trying to jump off a very high cliff. Unsuccessfully... Next thing that is seen is the conductor thrown under the feet of a quite hysterical lady and a 200 pound orang-utan on the stage. The Auctioneer has faced his ultimate problem (probably he won't have any other problems afterwards). Expecting an ugly scene I look down at he orchestra pit. The place is a mess (almost like a pogrom). The drummer, halfway up the stage, has jumped again on the struggling percussionists. The guitarist groans like a cat trying to... (Better not even think about it or the RSPCA will be searching high and low to interrogate me how have I learned how a cat trying to... sounds. ;) Alarmed by the lack of sound coming from the stage I look up again. The Librarian is holding two red socks. There's nothing else left to be seen...
No, I'm not monkeying about. The perfect man, sorry, ape, for the job is the Librarian. {{Feste throws an expectant glance at all Pratchett fans.}} Has four arms and a plenty of experience in playing BS Johnson's organ at the Unseen University. But there's only one problem. He doesn't like being called a m***** . And I would love to hear his orchestration of the Overture. {{The complete overture including Vox Humana, Vox Dei, Vox Diabolica and 12 keys marked with a '?'}} I would pay 300 silver pieces just to see Mr. Webber's reaction to the performance. I admit that we'll have to fix this m... business first. Or, I'm afraid, Mr. Webber would not look just like being erased of all life - deathly pale (like on the flash movie above)... if we are able to find him at all afterwards. {{Feste phones Ben Elton immediately to change the lines to: 'Attached, the figure of an ape in Persian robes playing the organ.'}}
And to all of you who think I've gone bananas. Yes, I have. The Librarian has to be paid somehow. Any banana donations are more than welcomed...
Faces...
Take your turn, take a ride
on the merry-go-round...
in an inhuman race...
oook!