Phantom Rulezzz (Act I)

I had a vision! These last few days I have been watching again and again the new Jesus Christ Superstar (JCS) video. I was a bit disappointed by this version. The 1972 film version is better. Anyway, I was looking at some of the changes they did and thinking about POTO... Although there were minor changes... brrrr... it gives me the creeps. Hope the following is not what we see in Ben Elton's script!

ACT I

Prolog (The Stage Of The Paris Opera)

AUCTIONEER
(spoken) Sold. Your number, sir? Thank you.
(spoken) Lot 13, then, ladies and gentlemen: the original cast of The Phantom of the Opera taped during a performance in 1989!!! Do I have 200 000 $....

............................................

[later that evening]
(spoken) Lot 663, a poster with the inscription "Phantom Rulezzzz". Do I have ten francs? Five then. Five I am bid. Six, seven. Against you, sir, seven. Eight. Eight once. Selling twice. Sold, to the gentleman with the cloak and wide-brimmed hat.

{{Yes in JCS there were leaflets with Jesus' photo and underneath was written JESUS RULES. I think that Erik deserves more...}}

.................................

(spoken) Lot 666, the new JCS video...

{{For obvious reasons I have moved the chandelier to 667. Do you think in the film it will be 666? I doubt it. Bad luck and so on...}}

***

Scene 1
(Rehearsals For "Hannibal" By Chalumeau)

................................

LEFEVRE
(spoken) Ladies and gentlemen, some of you may already perhaps, have met M. Andre Firmin Moncharmin...

{{Unfortunately, due to cuts in the budget WB is not able to afford hiring two actors...}}

................................

CHRISTINE
Think of me
think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye...

{{Here another person or actually the lack of it is startling. Seems that WB thought that there simply can not be more insolent boy and a slave of fashion (presumably working for a rival clothes designer) and a more ignorant fool... so, they rewrote Raoul out of the script. ("HA HA Raoul got what he deserved!!") }}

***

Scene 3
(Christine's Dressing Room)

I'm afraid that in the century of technology (or the Fruitbat) we simply can't allow the Phantom doing old-fashioned tricks such as appearing from behind the mirror. So he will be teleported. And the mirror is not needed. The Phantom is going to observe everything that happens in his opera through hidden cameras.

***

Scene 4
(The Labyrinth Underground)

A lake under the Opera? {{Feste sounds quite shocked}} And who's going to believe in that?

***

Scene 5
(Beyond The Lake The Next Morning)

PHANTOM
(spoken, almost fanatic) DIE, die you little vampire! Die you little demon! Have I got you now, you little creep!!! Eat dirt! HA, HA! You shall have worms for dinner... or the worms shall have you! BOOM!

{{Instead of a huge pipe organ there's a PC, a synthesizer and a really professional hi-fi system. We see the Phantom playing a PC game! WB will release later that year the game!}}

***

Scene 7
(Backstage)

Just before Buquet exits we hear him murmuring to himself a very old Latin mantra: "Stercus, stercus muriturus sum!"

***

Scene 8
(At the Manager's office)

Instead of letters on his desk M. Andre Firmin Moncharmin is checking his e-mail. There are actually three e-mails by the Phantom. We all know the text of the other two. The third e-mail has this subject: "I love you!" When Andre opens this e-mail there's simply a mask and a voice that says: "This PC has been infected with the Phantom's 'I LOVE YOU!' virus!"

In this part also turns out that even the combined M. Andre Firmin Moncharmin is not able to handle La Carlotta...

***

Scene 9
(A Performance Of 'Il Muto' By Albrizzio)

Here La Carlotta is directly transformed (on the stage) into a frog. Ahh! My impossible dream came true at last. {{Feste immediately starts looking for storks...}}

Attached to the body of Buquet is a receipt and a note saying: "Nil mrotifi sine lucre!"

***

Scene 10
(The Roof Of The Opera House)

This is just in case Raoul survives Ben Elton...

Enough for now. (730 words or so... Almost unreadable.) To be continued on Monday when I'll get a player with a tone and that third trombone will go. The man could not be deafer, so there will preferably be one who plays in tune...