DANCE OF THE PHANS
Based on the musical Tanz der Vampire
&
Dance of the Vampires
Original Credits
Music & English Lyrics by: Jim Steinman
German Lyrics: Michael Kunze
DotP Lyrics: Cory Stickel (CrStickel@aol.com)
After about a year of tossing about ideas and writing (and re-writing) lyrics, here is my Michael Crawford Phantom Movie Campaign musical, Dance of the Phans. This is a “highlights” version, if you will, since it proved to be too much time and trouble to try to work from the German script and a translation. I do plan on expanding this, but more than likely, it won’t happen until the English cast album is released.
I can’t for one minute claim that anything here is mine. This whole script is based on Jim Steinman’s Tanz der Vampire and Dance of the Vampires, so all the credit goes to him. I’m not trying to make a profit here; I wrote this for fun. If Mr. Steinman or anyone else connected with the production of TdV and DotV happen to read this, I just hope that they have a great sense of humour and don’t sue me for copyright infringement. ;)
I suppose this could be classified as an Alternate Universe piece. Maybe what would happen if Michael Crawford and The Phans grew incredibly bitter by the lack of commitment from The-Powers-That-Be. (Sweet innocent us? Bitter?! Nah! J ) I seriously doubt that MC would get this dark and scheming about the lack of follow-thru on the POTO movie, but it still makes for a striking, sexy image of him, doesn’t it? ;)~
All the songs here follow the original German orchestration, except for Better Than You Are, which follows the orchestration for Braver Than We Are, and Dance of the Phans, which follows the German orchestration and vocal arrangement, but ends with the English Demo repeat/ad-lib/fade.
I know that Antonio Banderas is now officially out of the running for The Phantom Movie, but let’s face it: he makes it so easy to make fun of him. 0:-)
And now to the most important part of this disclaimer: the thank yous.
*Thank you to Jim Steinman and Michael Kunze for writing such an awesome musical to parody, and for providing rocking music to write to. And an especially big thank you to Mr. Steinman for casting Michael Crawford in the English version of Vampires, thus providing hope to all Phans world-wide that there just might be a light at the end of the tunnel after all.
*Thank you to Michael Crawford, THE Phantom of the Opera, whose voice and talent reached over 60 million people and inspired the fight for artistic and creative justice.
And infinite Thank You!s to (in no particular order):
*Di, for giving me my first Vampires CDs, encouraging my creativity, and kindly lending me the use of The Chalkboard Corner and The Guard Dogs. ;)
*Feste and Jake, for volunteering for a role in the musical and for creative ideas/feedback.
*Donna and Melinda, for volunteering for a role in the musical.
*Clarisse, for creative ideas/feedback.
And since I’m pretty sure that I’ve earned a one-way ticket to The Chalkboard Corner with this one, I bid everyone happy reading, and I’m off to join Melinda in the moat. ;)
~Cory Stickel, Countess Christine Von Daae (hee hee hee…)
DANCE OF THE PHANS
ACT I
([During the OVERTURE] It’s a very cold, snowy night. ANTONIO BANDERAS and ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER are travelling from London to Los Angeles to start filming on the movie version of The Phantom of the Opera, of which AB has the starring role. However, the two artists ~scoff~ have somehow gotten lost and are now wandering the snow covered hills of Phantomvania. A storm kicks up and AB and ALW get separated.)
HEY, HO, LLOYD WEBBER (to the tune of Hey, Ho, Professor)
Antonio Banderas:
Lloyd Webber? Lloyd Webber?
Where’d you go to, Lloyd Webber?
Hey, ho, hey
He must…he must’ve sat down somewhere to write some new songs for the musical. And when Andrew Lloyd Webber writes music, then…then he forgets about everything. I…I hope he’s not dead!
Give me one sign, Lloyd Webber
Hey, ho, hey
(About ten feet away from AB, ALW collapses in the snow, cold and exhausted. AB can’t see him through the storm.)
Antonio Banderas:
Lloyd Webber!
I…I have to find him! Otherwise he’ll freeze to death. What a sad end that would be for a man like him. The news would report: “Composer dies in winter storm.” And nobody will talk about me. Nobody will miss Antonio Banderas. (author note: No comment J )
Where the hell are we, Lloyd Webber?
We have to get to Hollywood
(As the music of the OVERTURE swells, so does the storm, and soon AB can’t even see the tip of his nose. The wind is freezing, and AB collapses in the snow.
(Not far away sits the little village of Musikstadt. On this particular day, the villagers have gather at the restaurant/inn for a hot meal and a good ghost story. Someone starts the tale of The Phantom of the Opera, and everyone grows nervous, commenting on keeping your hand at the level of your eyes to save your fragile neck. It seems that everyone is afraid of The Phantom.
(During the middle of dinner, ANTONIO BANDERAS suddenly stumbles into the pub, dragging the stiff body of ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER behind him. The landlady, GIRY immediately orders EVITA, the maid, to bring hot water to revive the composer. The landlord, CHE, welcomes AB and the revived ALW to the inn. The villagers, however, are not so keen to accept their new guests, whispering that ALW had become a victim of The Punjab Lasso and was turned into a phan. They crowd around the two travelers, chanting the name Michael Crawford repeatedly.
(ALW and AB exchange glances, thinking that everyone in the town is bonkers. ALW finally concludes from the villagers’ strange behaviour that he and AB have stumbled across a whole village of Phantom fans, and seizes the marketing opportunity for film feedback by questioning CHE about the village and it’s surroundings.)
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Good sir, is there a Phantom near here? (author note: ALW’s referring to the show, not the man.)
Che: (nervous, thinking the question refers to the man)
A Phantom? No. There’s no Phantom here because we have no…no…opera singer! Has anyone ever heard an opera singer around here?
(ALW comments that everyone was fretting about The Punjab Lasso when he and AB arrived, but CHE covers up by insisting that the villagers were only telling ghost stories. The villagers eagerly agree. CHE then offers the travelers a room in the inn and ushers them up the stairs.)
PLEASE, GENTLEMEN (to the tune of Bitte, meine Herren)
Che:
This way, gentlemen. Come along; it’s not much further.
Dierdre:
Andrew Lloyd Webber: (to ANTONIO BANDERAS)
Did you hear that?
Antonio Banderas:
Si.
Che:
Please, gentlemen.
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
What is that?
Che:
What’s what?
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Who’s singing?
Che:
No-one’s singing.
Antonio Banderas:
Her voice is beautiful…
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Are you deaf?! Someone is singing!
Che:
Nah. It’s the wind.
Antonio Banderas:
She sounds heavenly…
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
The wind?
Che:
We’ll be to your room in a moment.
Andrew Lloyd Webber: (scoffing)
The wind!
Che:
Here you are, gentlemen. This is our luxury suite. You’ll never find anything better. And over here, gentlemen, right behind this door, is our most elegant bathroom. In here is something extremely beautiful…
(CHE opens the bathroom door to find DIERDRE soaking in a bubble bath. ALW gets a look of triumph, as he now knows who was singing. AB has fallen instantly in love and has a stupid grin on his face.)
Che:
Dierdre! We have guests! Get out!
(DIERDRE starts to rise from the bath, but when CHE notices that AB and ALW are staring at the girl, he pushes her back into the bath.)
Che:
No, no, no! Stay! Stay! (to ALW and AB) I forgot about my daughter. Sorry about that. The bathroom will be free in a moment.
(AB and ALW go downstairs for something to eat, leaving the room free for DIERDRE to get dressed in. As soon as his daughter is back in her bedroom, CHE sneaks to her door and begins to nail boards across it so DIERDRE can’t get out. The whole time, CHE comments on what a blessing it is to have such a beautiful and musically gifted daughter, but such an equal curse because men like AB fall in love with her and dull-witted composers like ALW want to take advantage of her voice.
(Later that night, after the villagers have gone home, DIERDRE sits alone in her room, dreaming about what a star she could be if ALW decides to cast her in the Phantom movie. AB and ALW sit in their room, both thinking about DIERDRE: AB dwelling on how gorgeous the girl is, and ALW dwelling on how much of a success the Phantom movie could be if DIERDRE starred opposite AB.
(GIRY is fast asleep, and so CHE sneaks out of bed and to EVITA’s room. The two are loyal AB fans and have planned a midnight marathon. GIRY suddenly wakens to find her husband gone. Furious, she starts wandering the inn in search of CHE.
(ALW receives a call from WARNER BROTHERS on his cell phone, and in an attempt to get better reception, he starts wandering around the inn while discussing the movie plans with the studio execs. GIRY mistakes ALW for her husband and whacks him across the back of the head with a log from the firewood pile. Realizing her mistake, GIRY turns and flees back to her bedroom before the composer can come to and yell at her.
(As the odd events of the evening finally give way to the need for sleep, eerie voices seem to echo throughout the inn.)
Phans:
(The Phantom, COUNT MICHAEL VON CRAWFORD, has arrived at the inn. He has heard that ALW and AB have graced Musikstadt with their presence, and he has come to investigate the rumours personally. VON CRAWFORD has also selected the perfect Christine Daae: DIERDRE.
(VON CRAWFORD pays DIERDRE a visit to announce to her his musical intentions. He appears in her full length dressing mirror to find her sleeping peacefully. He sings softly to her.)
ART IS DEAD (to the tune of Gott is Tot)
Von Crawford:
I've been waiting, now,
For such a long time
Not reprising my role is,
For many, a crime
The phans have
All been ignored
And me?
I'm given the boot
Replaced by a name
And a face with no voice
When all the world knows Phans:
I'm the obvious choice Sing for me…
Sing for me…
Art is dead
Talent no longer sought out
Replaced by star-status Sing for me…
But not for long
And since we
Both know our talent Sing for me…
And what The Phantom film needs
We'll now make a diff'rence
Make the P.T.B. see
What The Phantom needs dearly:
Dierdre and M.C. Sing for me…
(The mirror starts to glow brightly, creating an eerie replica “Angel of Music” scene. DIERDRE wakes and sits up in bed, staring in awe at the mirror and the image of VON CRAWFORD.)
Von Crawford:
So I bless you with my voice
And bid you join in our endeavour
And if you sing with me tonight
Then Phantom can live forever
Now hear the music of The Knight
Which can never go wrong
Together, we'll take Webber
To the end of the line
My Phantom's like a shadow
On him...
Dierdre:
I hear a voice
Singing to me...
(The light in the mirror dies back down to a soft glow.)
Von Crawford:
And since we both know our talent
And what The Phantom film needs
And when I command you
You will sing just for me
Have patience
Dear Dierdre
Phantom will be free...
(VON CRAWFORD disappears from the mirror, and DIERDRE lays back down in bed, drifting to sleep as the voice of PHANS echo on the wind.)
Phans:
Art is dead
Talent no longer sought out
Replaced by star-status
But not for long
And since we
All know your talent
And what The Phantom film needs
We'll now make a diff'rence
Make the P.T.B. see
What The Phantom needs dearly:
Dierdre and M.C….
(The next morning is bright and sunny, and GIRY’s bitterness towards EVITA starts to melt away with some of the icicles.
(AB comes downstairs to get some breakfast, and as he sits eating biscuits and gravy, RAOUL, VON CRAWFORD’s servant, entres the inn, telling CHE that he needs candles for his master. When RAOUL leaves, AB asks if the man works for The Phantom. CHE, GIRY, and EVITA become nervous and try to slip away to do their daily tasks. AB, however, corners them and tells them, excitedly, that he’s the best choice for the part of The Phantom in the movie because he has such a huge ego.
(Upstairs, ALW returns from another phone call with WARNERS to find that DIERDRE has broken out of her room and is in his bathroom taking her morning bath. He takes the opportunity to offer the role of Christine to the girl, and she hints that she might accept. Elated, ALW runs from the bathroom to find AB and tell him the good news.
(As soon as he leaves, the full length mirror glows with a bright light. VON CRAWFORD appears in the mirror and DIERDRE screams in surprise.)
INVITATION TO THE MASQUERADE BALL (to the tune of Einladung zum Ball)
Von Crawford:
Good morning, Dierdre
Forgive the intrusion, My Dear
I am the angel
That you’ve felt was so near
Allow me: (bows formally, removing his fedora)
I am The Phantom of the Opera,
You see;
The one and the only
I am Michael C.!
(VON CRAWFORD steps through the mirror.)
Because my Phantom owns your heart
I ask you now to use your voice
To help my Phantom get his start
Or would you rather sit and
Watch some dimbulb get my part?
To see injustice reign supreme?
I see you know exactly what I mean!
It’s time the Phantom film was
In the hands of phans
The P.T.B. are wasting precious time
It’s time the Phantom film was
In the hands of phans
We will show the whole world that
This musical shines
That The Phantom the phans want
Can only be mine
We shall take control
And show the whole world
Just what art really means
That the beauty of a song
Will always last your whole life long
Warm your voice up, Dear
And join me at The Masquerade Ball
I’ll make you a star
And you’ll sing by me in glorious song
At the ball’s climatic height,
We’ll sing “Music of the Night.”
Sing with me tonight
I invite you to The Masquerade Ball!
(VON CRAWFORD steps back into the mirror and disappears, but not before ALW walks back into the bathroom and sees him.)
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Oh, my God! He’s here! He’s here!
(AB, CHE, and GIRY run into the bathroom.)
Antonio Banderas:
Who?
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
The Phantom!
Antonio Banderas:
Quit being stupid.
(DIERDRE takes advantage of the confusion and jumps out of the tub, throwing on her bathrobe while no-one is paying attention to her.)
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
I swear I saw him!
Antonio Banderas:
Are you drunk?
(DIERDRE tries to sneak out the door, but CHE spots her.)
Che:
For the love of God, Dierdre! Haven’t I told you a thousand times to stay in your room?!
Dierdre: (trying to bolt away without a beating)
I only wanted to take a bath!
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Can’t you see? The Phantom wants Dierdre to be his Christine!
Antonio Banderas:
His Christine?!
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
That has-been! I discovered Dierdre first!
(CHE has DIERDRE by the back of her bathrobe and is dragging her to her room.)
Che:
Why can’t you do what you’re told? Do you want me to die an early death?! Oh, you won’t disobey me again!
(He throws DIERDRE into her room, slams the door, and begins to nail the boards back across the door.)
Giry:
What are you doing?!
(DIERDRE starts sobbing, pounding on her bedroom door.)
Che:
Will you be a good girl?!
Dierdre: (sobbing, pounding on the door)
Yes, papa! I promise! I’ll do whatever you want! Just don’t lock me in my room again! Father!
Che:
You’ll come out when I say it’s alright!
(That evening, DIERDRE is sitting at her window, staring out at the forest. AB suddenly appears under the window, begging DIERDRE to run away with him and ALW. He says that Phantom is her freedom, and that she’ll become a star if she goes to Hollywood with the two.
(Sick of listening to AB, and tired of being locked in her room, DIERDRE throws open her window and shimmies down the rain spout. AB takes this as an agreement to run away with him, but she shoots him a disgusted look, telling him that she’ll only sing for the real Phantom, and she’ll join with the PHANS to force AB out of the film if that’s what it takes to restore the music of The Knight.)
BETTER THAN YOU ARE (to the tune of Braver Than We Are – Karine Hannah Version)
Dierdre:
I can hear The Phantom cry
And ask me why he cannot
Sing for all to hear
Sometimes in the day
I can see his shadow near me
Begging me to help him,
Antonio Banderas:
You think I’m gonna hide
But there’s a role I haven’t done
And I cannot push aside
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre:
Will you just go and leave me?
I think you sing like a cat
Caught in a turning wheel
Higher and higher ‘til
All I hear’s an awful squeal
Why d’you even bother to try?
Do you think M.C. is so very far?
Do you think this role will light your fading star?
Well, the phans are never very far and
You think you sing
So much better than you really do
You always think you sing well
Antonio Banderas:
Let’s go so far
Sometimes it’s the role
And the way it seems to yearn
For all the magic of
My perfect Spanish touch
And I know with this role
It will be my best creation
Once you see my Phantom
You won’t ever get enough
You phans are trying to make me run
You think I’m gonna hide
But there’s a role I haven’t done
And I cannot push aside
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
Caught in a turning wheel
Higher and higher ‘til
Dierdre:
Do you think M.C. is so very far?
Do you think this role will light your fading star?
Well, the phans are never very far
The Phantom’s never very far and
You think you sing
So much better than you really do
You always think you sing well,
But if you really knew…
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre:
Oh yeah-yeah
Yeah
Antonio Banderas: (trying to whisper seductively, like The Phantom)
(Sing with me…)
(Sing with me…)
(Sing with me…)
Dierdre:
Sing a song for those who run
Sing a song so all in all
There’s a better film to come
Sing a song for those alone
Sing a song for those apart
All the Phantom boys and girls
The campaigners of the part
Sing a song for all the lost
Sing a song for the unborn
Sing a song for all the young
It takes a fire to keep them warm
Antonio Banderas:
Sing a song for those obsessed You think I sing
Sing a song for those enslaved Like a cat
Sing a song to beat the drums Caught in a
From the cradle to the grave Turning wheel
Sing a song for all the saints Higher and higher
Sing a song for all the sins ‘Til all you
Let the music never end Hear’s an
Let The Phantom now begin Awful squeal?
Sing a song to all the phans
Some are near and some are far
Sing a song to all the phans
(The PHANS join in DIERDRE’s cry of loyalty, and they sound closer than ever.)
Dierdre & Phans:
Some are near and some are far
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
How far is too far, Dierdre?
Take me deep inside your heart
Von Crawford: (whispering beautifully and seductively to DIERDRE)
(Sing with me…)
(DIERDRE hears VON CRAWFORD)
Dierdre:
(Sing with me…)
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre:
Antonio Banderas:
I got to be where you are
If you sing with me it’s just the start
I’m even better than you are!
Dierdre:
Oh yeah!
The casting of M.C. is just the start
(In the snow, DIERDRE spots a box that’s been left for her by RAOUL. She moves away from AB, who’s too absorbed with his boasting to notice her leave.)
Antonio Banderas: Phans: Von Crawford:
I got to be where you are Some are near and some are far Like a cat caught
If you sing with me it’s just the start Sing a song to all the phans In a turning wheel
M.C. is better than you are!
Oh yeah-yeah Higher and higher
M.C. is better than you are ‘Til all I hear’s
If you sing with me it’s just the start An awful sqeual
I’m even better than you are!
(DIERDRE opens the box and finds a wedding veil identical to the one worn by Christine in the stage production and music video for Phantom. As she puts it on, VON CRAWFORD appears from the forest, asking her if she’s ready to join the fight. She answers that, yes, she’s ready, and the two are suddenly surrounded by PHANS. DIERDRE is frightened by their number and backs against VON CRAWFORD. The PHANS assure her that by joining them, she’ll be righting a terrible artistic wrong. Comforted by their confidence, DIERDRE proudly announces that she’ll join them in saving the Phantom movie.)
(Meanwhile, AB has realized that DIERDRE is no longer with him. He looks around and spots her standing near the forest, surrounded by a group of people. He runs up to her.)
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre? Will you sing with me?
Dierdre:
Oh, shit!!
(DIERDRE grabs VON CRAWFORD’s hand and pulls him into the forest, wanting nothing more than to get away from AB. AB tries to follow, but looses sight of them.)
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre! Dierdre!!
(The commotion has attracted CHE and GIRY’s attention, and they’re soon joining in the search for the young singer.)
Che:
What happened? Where is she?!
(CHE starts into the forest, but GIRY begs him not to go; it’s too dangerous. He doesn’t listen and runs into the forest anyway, vowing to save his baby.
(The next morning, some villagers bring back CHE’s lifeless body. He has become a victim of The Punjab Lasso. ALW tries to tell everyone that if they stand up to VON CRAWFORD, no-one else will come to the same fate as CHE. GIRY, turns on him, however, telling the composer that it’s his fault CHE is dead. If ALW and AB had never come to Musikstadt, DIERDRE would never have run off and CHE would never had followed. She then kicks ALW and AB out of the inn.
(That night, EVITA goes to the room that CHE’s body has been laid out in. She thinks that it’s strange how, a day ago, CHE would watch AB movies with her, but now he’s dead by the hands of PHANS. Suddenly, CHE sits up. He tells EVITA that she’ll make a beautiful phan, and then catches her in The Punjab Lasso.
(AB and ALW sneak back into the inn, planning to cut the noose around CHE’s neck in an attempt to bring him back to his senses, and hopefully life. The find, however, that CHE has no intention of going back to non-phan life and tries to run away. ALW and AB corner him and make him an offer: take them to VON CRAWFORD’s castle, or they’ll cut the noose. CHE chooses to lead them to the castle, running away at his first opportunity.
(ALW and AB reach the castle and find that it looks striking like The Paris Opera House. VON CRAWFORD meets them at the door, telling them that he doesn’t often receive guests, and that they’re welcome to stay the night. After all, the two don’t want to end up in the hands of PHANS, do they?…
(While getting the tour of the castle, VON CRAWFORD leads ALW and AB to the stables and introduces them to his close friend, Pheste. Pheste is brushing the cows that are housed in the stalls, and he gives AB a mischievous look.)
Pheste:
Finally,
Someone to help me
(VON CRAWFORD calls for RAOUL to lead ALW and AB to the guest room. But before he lets him go to bed for the night, VON CRAWFORD pulls AB aside and hints that he can make him a spectacular Phantom if he joins with him and the PHANS.)
FINALE, ACT 1 (to the tune of
Midnight Serenade)
Von Crawford:
Come with me
And we know art.
We'll show you
And we will teach you.
Take my hand
And learn from us
We'll touch you
And we will reach you.
Come with me
And we know art.
We'll show you
And we will teach you.
Take my hand
And learn from us.
We'll touch you
And we will reach you.
And you will sing forever.
You will sing forever more,
Forever more!
(DIERDRE is wandering around VON CRAWFORD’s castle, awed by its beauty. The voices of thousands of PHANS echo around her, up and down the corridors.)
Phans:
Thunderbolts, lightning
Light up the sky
Thunderbolts, lightning…
Von Crawford sings tonight, tonight…
Thunderbolts, lightning
Light up the sky
Thunderbolts, lightning…
Von Crawford sings tonight, tonight!
(DIERDRE steps into a large foyer and stops short when she sees VON CRAWFORD standing at the top of a magnificent spiral staircase.)
TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE PART (to the tune
of Total Eclipse of the Heart/Totale Finsternis)
Phans:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I hear your voice sing in the darkness
And I long to see
Your show
Phans:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I feel the spirit of The Phantom
And I ask why Webber
Just doesn't know
Phans:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I get a little bit nervous
That my chance to see
Your Phantom's gone by
Phans:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I feel I'm totally alone,
But then, somehow,
I know that you're watching me.
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me, Angel...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I hear a voice...
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me, Angel...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I hear...
(VON CRAWFORD starts descending the staircase.)
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I get a little bit restless
And dream of Phantom
On the screen
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I feel the Phantom fight is helpless
And that makes me
Want to break down and cry
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I get a little bit angry
All the P.T.B. have done
Is just lie
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I get a little bit furious
When I see vacancy
In Lloyd Webber's eyes
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me, Angel...
Dierdre:
We all know that
You should get the part
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me, Angel...
Dierdre:
We all know that
You should get the part!
Von Crawford:
And I need you now to fight
The campaign needs you more than ever
And if you sing with me tonight
Then Phantom can live forever
And we'll only be making it right
How can Phantom be wrong?
Together, we'll take Webber
To the end of the line
My Phantom's like a shadow
On him all of the time
The music of an angel
Must live for all to hear
Dierdre:
And if the phans all work together,
We have nothing to fear
Von Crawford & Dierdre:
I really need you tonight
The Phantom's gonna start tonight
The Phantom's gonna start
Von Crawford:
Tonight
Dierdre:
All the world deserves to see
Your Phantom on screen,
To see The Phantom
Played from the heart
Is there nothing we can do
To stop this
Total eclipse of the part?
Once upon a time,
Phantom's future was bright
But now the film's
On the shelf in the dark
There must be something I can do
To stop this
Total eclipse of the part...
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
You should see the millions
Who have gather in your name
To see you cast
Before it gets way too late
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
And even though it may seem hopeless,
We will follow where you lead us
We'll go with you
Through the gates of Hell
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
All the world knows
That no-one else can play The Phantom
Just as magical and wondrous
As you
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me...
Dierdre:
Please believe me
That I've come here now
To help you
And there's nothing that I just wouldn't do
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me, Angel....
Dierdre:
Ev'ry now and then,
I hear a voice...
Phans & Von Crawford:
Sing for me, Angel...
Dierdre:
Now I know that
We don't have a choice!
(VON CRAWFORD approaches DIERDRE and holds her in a “Music of the Night” pose.)
Von Crawford & Dierdre:
And I/you need you/me now to fight
The campaign needs you/me more than ever
And if you/I sing with me/you tonight
Then Phantom can live forever
And we'll only be making it right
How can Phantom be wrong?
Together, we'll take Webber
To the end of the line
My/Your Phantom's like a shadow
On him all of the time
Von Crawford:
The music of an angel
Must live for all to hear
Dierdre:
And if the phans all work together,
We have nothing to fear
Von Crawford & Dierdre:
I really need you tonight
The Phantom's gonna start tonight
The Phantom's gonna start
Von Crawford:
Tonight
Dierdre:
All the world deserves to see
Your Phantom on screen,
To see The Phantom
Played from the heart
Von Crawford & Dierdre:
Is there nothing we can do
To stop this
Total eclipse of the part?
Dierdre:
Once upon a time,
Phantom's future was bright
Von Crawford:
Now the film's
On the shelf in the dark
Von Crawford & Dierdre:
Is there nothing we can do
To stop this
Total eclipse of the part?
Is there nothing we ca do
To stop this
Total eclipse of the part...
Dierdre:
There must be something I can do
To stop this
Total eclipse of the part...
(VON CRAWFORD catches DIERDRE in the Punjab lasso, but the girl throws her
hand up in time to keep the rope from closing around her throat completely. She
stares at VON CRAWFORD, terror in her eyes. Slowly, VON CRAWFORD loosens the
Punjab lasso and backs away.)
Von Crawford:
No, not yet
The timing just isn't right
I know you're willing;
Won't put up a fight
But not here
We must convert you
Where everybody
Can see
And when I command you,
You will sing just for me
Have patience,
Dear Dierdre
Phantom will be free...
(Up in the guest bedroom, ALW is trying desperately to get some sleep, but he’s having a nightmare.)
CAST THE KNIGHT (to the tune of Seize the Night)
Pheste:
Come with me
And cast The Knight.
Let his Phantom
Be your salvation.
Curse A.B.
He’s not too bright.
Break the chains of
Hollywood’s persuasion.
Come with me
And cast The Knight
Now’s the time
For some inspiration.
Leave A.B.
And cast The Knight.
No big flops,
Just musical sensation…
(PHANS suddenly appear out of nowhere. Their number is incredible and terrifies ALW.)
Phans:
(Three of the PHANS step forward to join Pheste in making the PHANS demands. They are PHANTOM JAKE, PHANTOMESS DONNA, and PHANTOMESS MELINDA.)
Pheste:
In the cellars
Of the theatre,
Our Phantom’s waiting
For your call.
And all the phans
Are lining up
For the greatest movie
Of them all.
Pheste & Phantom Jake:
But in your
Empty, vacant brain
You just can’t
See the light
We’re going to
Tell you now the way
To end this
Endless Phantom fight:
Pheste, Jake, & Men:
You gotta ditch A.B.
He never really
Was very bright.
Pheste, Jake, Phantomess Donna, Phantomess Melinda, & Phans:
So open up your heart.
See how we’re all
On bended knees.
Just suck in all
Your pride now
‘Cuz we’re begin’ ya
To please
Cast The Knight.
Jake:
Phans:
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain.
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Have you gone completely insane?
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain.
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Have you gone completely insane?
Pheste:
Don’t be such a dodo brain. Cast The Knight
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain. For all his Phantom has to last
Jake:
Don’t be such a dodo brain. Cast The Knight.
Have you gone completely insane? Before the opportunity can pass
Pheste:
You know you’re the one to blame. Cast The Knight
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain For all his Phantom has to last
Jake:
Don’t be such a dodo brain Cast The Knight
Save us from this endless campaign! Before the opportunity can pass
Pheste:
Don’t be such a dodo brain Cast The Knight
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain
Pheste & Jake:
Don’t be such a dodo brain Cast The Knight
Have you gone completely insane?
Jake:
Cast The Knight
Right now!
(instrumental break)
Phans:
(instrumental break)
Melinda:
We’ll let the dogs
Out of their cages
And set them
On your rich behind
Melinda & Donna:
If you don’t take
The phans advise
Speak our mind!
Melinda, Donna, & Jake:
You’ll just turn
Order into chaos
If you do not
Cast M.C.
The whole world’s
Hangin’ on your word.
Are we the
Only ones who see?
Pheste, Jake, & Men:
You gotta ditch A.B.
He never really
Was very bright.
Pheste, Jake, Donna, Melinda, & Phans:
So open up your heart.
See how we’re all
On bended knees.
Just suck in all
Your pride now
‘Cuz we’re begin’ ya
To please
Cast The Knight.
Jake:
Cast The Knight!
Phans:
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain.
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Have you gone completely insane?
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain.
Don’t be such a dodo brain.
Have you gone completely insane?
Donna:
Don’t be such a dodo brain. Cast The Knight
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain. For all his Phantom has to last
Melinda:
Don’t be such a dodo brain. Cast The Knight.
Have you gone completely insane? Before the opportunity can pass
Donna:
You know you’re the one to blame. Cast The Knight
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain For all his Phantom has to last
Melinda:
Don’t be such a dodo brain Cast The Knight
Save us from this endless campaign! Before the opportunity can pass
Donna: Men:
Don’t be such a dodo brain Cast The Knight Cast The Knight now!
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain For all his Phantom has to last Cast The Knight now!
Melinda:
Don’t be such a dodo brain Cast The Knight Cast The Knight now!
Donna:
Donna & Melinda:
Please don’t cast the pain from Spain For all his Phantom has to last Cast The Knight now!
Don’t be such a dodo brain Cast The Knight Cast The Knight now!
Save us from this endless campaign! Before the opportunity can pass!
(The PHANS close in on ALW, ready to hang him in The Punjab Lasso. ALW wakes with a scream. Terrified, he looks around the room. He and AB are the only ones there. The sun is streaming in the window, signaling the start of a new day, and washing out the horror of the nightmare.)
Phans: (acappella, hymn-like and fading)
Come with us
And cast The Knight.
Let his Phantom
Be your salvation.
Curse A.B.
He’s not too bright.
Break the chains of
Hollywood’s persuasion.
Come with us
And cast The Knight
Now’s the time
For some inspiration.
Leave A.B.
And cast The Knight.
No big flops,
(ALW’s cell phone rings, waking AB. ALW takes the call. It’s WARNERS, telling him that the lyricist, BEN ELTON has started on writing the script. All ALW needs to do is find a Christine and get to Hollywood pronto.
(ALW and AB decide that the only way to get DIERDRE to come with them is to get rid of VON CRAWFORD, so they set out for the cellar. On the way, they pass several AUTOMATS that look eerily real.
(Once in the cellar, ALW says that they’ll go to VON CRAWFORD’s coffin [remember that The Phantom slept in a coffin?], cut the noose around his neck, and then run like hell. VON CRAWFORD has been following them unseen, however, and decides to have some fun with his guests. He reaches out from the shadows and snags the back of ALW’s pajama top on a nail.
(Unable to free himself, ALW tells AB that he must complete the task on his own. Reluctantly, AB goes down to VON CRAWFORD’s coffin. He finds that VON CRAWFORD doesn’t have a noose around his neck, and begins to panic. ALW yells for AB to cut the rope that doesn’t exist when suddenly VON CRAWFORD sits up in the coffin. AB lets out a scream backing away.
(VON CRAWFORD laughs from the shadows. The person in the coffin isn’t a person at all, but another AUTOMAT.
(Feeling pretty stupid, AB goes back to ALW and frees the composer from the nail. They head back to the upper levels. Maybe there’s another way to beat VON CRAWFORD.
(PHESTE pushes the lid off his coffin, sits up, and asks what all the commotion was about. VON CRAWFORD fills him in. PHESTE asks if VON CRAWFORD is really going to teach AB to sing, and VON CRAWFORD replies of course not. It was just a ploy to get AB and ALW into the castle. He then tells PHESTE not to worry about the guests; they’ll be taken care of later. He requests that PHESTE see to his chores, and the two exchange a mischievous look.)
Pheste & Von Crawford:
(On the second level of the castle, ALW and AB have stumbled upon VON CRAWFORD’s library, which is filled with every script and score the performer has ever done. AB thinks he’s died and gone to Heaven, immediately burying his nose in music. ALW pleads that they get moving. They need to find DIERDRE and get out of the castle before VON CRAWFORD finds them. AB ignores him, more interested in the musical gold mine.
(ALW then hears DIERDRE singing, and follows her voice. He finds her in an elegant bathroom, soaking in a bubble bath.)
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Dierdre!
Dierdre:
What the hell?!
(ALW begs DIERDRE to run away, but the girl refuses. She says that VON CRAWFORD has invited her to The Masquerade Ball. ALW begs, telling DIERDRE that AB has fallen in love with her, and that if the two sing together, the Phantom movie will be a hit. DIERDRE doesn’t buy a word of it and shoes ALW out of the bathroom so she can get dressed and prepare for the ball.
(As ALW heads back to the library, he swears that everywhere he looks, he sees signs of PHANS.)
FOR A.B. (to the tune of For Sarah)
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
There are phans ev'rywhere
Pleading eyes in the darkness
As I fight for A.B.
Phans all want their M.C.
But however much they beg me
I will not be deterred
I'll act cold
I'll be sly
There is nothing I
Would not say or do
For A.B.
I will steal
I will lie
There is nothing I won't try
To get to cast him
There's a thing
Known as art
How I long to comply
But I must not
For A.B.
Through M.C.'s labrynth I go
Stupid and cold-hearted
But I must not give up!
I will re-write
The score
There is nothing I
Would not say or do
For A.B.
There's no song
I won't change,
Even though a Spanish Phantom's
Really strange...
I'll be bold
I'll be brave
There is nothing I
Would not do for you
For A.B.
We just need a Christine
A pretty, gifted angel
Who's voice soars above us all
She would fight all her fears
There'd be nothing she
Would not do for you,
Oh A.B.
And I've found your Christine
Dierdre's the gorgeous opera singer
Who will love you
A.B.!
(ALW reaches the library and finds that AB is still absorbed in VON CRAWFORD’s music. He doesn’t even seem to care that ALW found DIERDRE. Fed up and with nothing better to do, ALW gets comfortable in an easy chair and begins to write some new songs for the Phantom movie.
(AB is reading VON CRAWFORD’s notes on how to be a romantic Phantom, when he thinks he hears DIERDRE’s voice. He follows the song to find PHESTE in the stables with the cows. PHESTE dances a very Evitaesque waltz with AB, telling him about the great plan that will be revealed at the ball that night. He then traps AB in a corner pen and sets the cows on him.
(In the nick of time ~L~ ALW appears, saving AB from being trampled by cattle. He then whacks PHESTE across the back of the head with his new score of songs, sending PHESTE sprawling across the floor, unconscious, and then leads AB back into the castle.
(As the two climb the staircase back to their room, VON CRAWFORD appears, congratulating ALW on his daring rescue, but not before pointing out that it was a stupid thing for the composer to do. ALW threatens that VON CRAWFORD’s brilliant career as The Phantom is over: AB will be cast in the movie, no matter what anyone says or does. As ALW and AB run away, VON CRAWFORD calls after them in fury.)
Von Crawford:
Always will be mine!
(Just then, something catches VON CRAWFORD’s eye, and he looks out the window.
(The lake outside VON CRAWFORD’s castle slowly lights up as thousands of gondolas with lanterns hanging from the front of them appear. The PHANS are arriving for the ball. The PHANS are all dressed in various costumes that are eerily similar to those from the “Masquerade” scene in POTO. Among the PHANS are PHANTOM JAKE, PHANTOMESS MELINDA , and PHANTOMESS DONNA, from ALW’s nightmare. DONNA and MELINDA are heading a full gondola that’s proudly marked, “The Chalkboard Corner,” and they have several vicious-looking guard dogs with them.)
ENDLESS CAMPAIGN FIGHT (to the tune of Ewigkeit)
PHANS:
We’ve waited for The Phantom
Film to be made
In a faithful adaptation
What must we do
For our dream to come true?
We must find a way to
Put an end to this endless
Campaign fight
Only can our Phantom
Put an end to this endless
Campaign fight
(The PHANS start to secure their gondolas at the docks.)
Lloyd Webber thinks
That a star is the answer
And that the phans are all dumb,
But it’s we have the power!
We’ll blast his crap
To another dimension
We’ll have our film made with
Michael Crawford
We may begin tonight!
(The PHANS gather in front of the castle.)
A.B.’s voice sucks
They dare to call him a singer?!
Cast him as Raoul
If he must have a part
His Phantom we’ll blast
To another dimension
If the film’s not made with
Michael Crawford,
We’ll stand our ground and fight
We’ll fight!
We’ll fight!
We’ll fight!
We’ll fight!
(Having announced their presence, the PHANS march into the castle.
(Once the docks are empty, VON CRAWFORD appears looking at the gondolas of all the PHANS who have fought for him, and he begins to think of how all of them, himself included, ended up where they are now.)
Von Crawford:
Forgive me, Father, for I will sing... ...over and over again, song without
end. Amen.
But can there be anything as incandescently sad than that most tragic of times when good musicals go bad?
So much music flowing from Andrew's score. It brought an ocean of pure tears. I learned to sing with mercy, howl in pain, and cause intoxicating fear. I used my voice just like an angel's. I used a mask to cover a wound. I used Andrew's music to cover a wound!
And I'll never know why he wants me to disappear, but I can see The Phantom rising up out of my mem'ries now, just like the candles rising up from the gloom!
Erik...has entered...the building.
(A lightning bolt and a crash of thunder.)
MUSIC OF THE KNIGHT (to the tune of
Endless Appetite)
Von Crawford:
Well, there're
No stars tonight.
Lloyd Webber hides –
Can’t bare to see
My face.
So many years have passed,
So many curtains gone down,
Too many fights about the film,
Too many lives turned upside down...
The show was new
And the theatre clean.
Nineteen-eighty-six,
The Phantom was the scene.
I played Erik
For the very first time.
The part was so right,
I never flubbed up a line.
No-one knew the show
Would do so good.
The critics tried
To stop us.
Oh, they thought
They could!
But we played NYC,
And then fate
Took control,
And we walked away
With seven Tony's.
But when the rumours flew
That A.B.'d be in the film,
My world fell apart.
I'd been promised The Phantom
In the film to come,
But I'm replaced
By a git and a fart!
I long to sing
In total freedom,
But The P.T.B. keep
Dragging me down.
I want to be
The angel/devil
Erik himself,
But I am nothing
But a has-been
Dreaming of the part
I can't have.
And a campaign
Went up
All around the world.
It's a fight
That never ends.
The Phantom movie
Is elusive,
And the music never ends.
When the show
Has drawn
It's final breath
And extinguished
The stage lights,
There'll be nothing left
But an empty theatre,
And “The Music of the Night.”
Nothing left
But phans silent sobbing,
And “The Music of the Night.”
The mayor's daughter
Came to the concert
That night
In ninteen-ninty-two
To hear “Music of the Night.”
With my golden voice,
I sang a song of love
That brought a tear
Upon her skin.
And my loving phans,
In ninteen-ninty-eight,
Came to The Phantom's aide,
Made a campaign so great.
When I recall their love,
I can't help but think,
"How can The-Powers-That-Be
Be so blind?"
So much music flowing
From Andrew's score.
It brought an ocean
Of pure tears.
I learned to sing with mercy,
Howl in pain,
And cause intoxicating fear.
I used my voice
Just like an angel's.
I used Andrew's music
To cover a wound!
And I'll never know
Why I should disappear,
But I see Erik
Rising up
Out of my mem'ries now,
Just like the candles
Rising up from the gloom!
And there's no way ever
To forgive A.B.
For all that he has said.
I get no thanks,
No recognition,
And so the campaign never ends.
There are those
Who believe in science,
And those
Who believe in art.
There are those
Who believe in
Power and wealth,
Or in love,
And matters of the heart.
There are those
Who believe in
Various Gods,
In nations and knowledge,
In Hell and in Heaven,
The safety of the darkness,
Or the cold, unfeeling light.
But phans believe in
Just one voice
That sings
Endless and sensational,
Golden, indestructible
“Music of the Night!”
(VON CRAWFORD sighs.)
There's a prediction that
I now will make,
And I'm sure
I will be right:
When A.B.'s Phantom
Is finally filmed,
The sound most heard
Throughout the world -
The sobbing music of The Knight
(Inside the castle, The Masquerade Ball is underway. Among the PHANS are AB and ALW. AB is dressed as RAOUL, and ALW is dressed as a cat. DIERDRE is nowhere to be seen.
(VON CRAWFORD makes a dramatic appears to the enthusiastic applause of his supporters.)
THE MASQUERADE BALL (to the tune of Tanzsaal)
Von Crawford:
Why we’re here,
Why I have called you
To the ball of the year
My dear friends,
Phantom’s waited
For this glorious day
Hear what I say:
It is finally the time
For the Phans
Now will shine!
For twelve long years
They said
The Phantom Film’d be made
Phans:
Von Crawford: (furious)
They promised
I would get the part!
Phans:
Have never been enough!
It’s time The Phantom Film
Was in the hands of Phans
The P.T.B. are
Wasting precious time
It’s time The Phantom Film
Von Crawford:
We have waited enough
We shall not have a Phantom
Who’s a moronic putz
We will take control tonight
And show the whole world
Just what art really means
That the beauty of a song
Will always last your whole life long
And to help us now
Here is my Christine:
(DIERDRE appears standing at the top of the spiral staircase.)
Von Crawford:
For yesterday, Dear Phans,
Lloyd Webber appeared
With his tone-deaf friend A.B.
They’re destined now to work for me
Should they dare refuse
They’ll find their Phantom movie
Is damned.
(AB gulps in fear. ALW thinks that all of VON CRAWFORD’s speech is silly.)
Phans:
Talent no longer sought out
Replaced by star-status
But not for long
And since we
All know your talent
And what The Phantom Film needs
We’ll now make a diff’rence
Make The P.T.B. see
What The Phantom needs dearly:
(DIERDRE dances with VON CRAWFORD, than allows him to catch her in the Punjab lasso. VON CRAWFORD laughs triumphantly.)
Phans:
Joined in the fight
The Phantom Film begins tonight!
Von Crawford:
To see The Phantom on screen
To see The Phantom
Dierdre & Von Crawford:
Dierdre:
Von Crawford:
Dierdre & Von Crawford:
This total eclipse of the part!
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre, it’s me! I’ve come to save you!
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Psst! Von Crawford caught her in the Punjab lasso, but she’s not a phan. We just have to cut the Punjab lasso, expose Dierdre to some real music, and she’ll be good as new.
Antonio Banderas:
Dierdre, sing with me! The Phantom! We’ll win an Oscar!
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Hey, I’ll count to three, then we’ll both take hold of her walk out the door.
Von Crawford:
And what is this?…
Andrew Lloyd Webber:
One…two…three. Three! Three!
Von Crawford:
Stop the ball!
Antonio Banderas & Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Ahh!
Von Crawford:
Boo! (He laughs.)
(ALW throws AB a microphone, and VON CRAWFORD and the PHANS recoil in horror.)
Von Crawford:
No! No! Raoul! Raoul! Make him stop! Stop! Ahh! Raoul! Raoul!
(RAOUL appears hopping along the balcony, tied and gagged, wearing nothing but a white undershirt, black socks, and white boxers with red hearts on them. ~ROFL!!!~ Furious, VON CRAWFORD turns to the PHANS.)
Von Crawford:
In the name of art, of music, of talent, after them! Get them back, damnit!
(DONNA and MELINDA release the guard dogs. Terrified, AB flings DIERDRE over his shoulder and carries her as he and ALW bolt out of the castle.
(About a half an hour later, AB, ALW, and DIERDRE are walking across the snow covered fields of Phantomvania. DIERDRE keeps looking over her shoulder, back towards the castle, but AB assures her that no-one is following them. ALW’s cell phone rings. It’s another call from WARNERS. ALW wanders off in search of better reception.
(AB tells DIERDRE that they’ll star in the Phantom movie, and shockingly, DIERDRE smiles and agrees with him that Phantom is freedom. Suddenly, the two of them are surrounded by PHANS.)
Antonio Banderas:
Who…who are they?
Dierdre:
Phans, stupid. (She approaches AB, twisting The Punjab Lasso in her hands.) You better run.
DANCE OF THE PHANS (to the tune of The Dance of the Vampires/Der Tanz der Vampire)
Warner Bros. (on the cell phone) & Andrew Lloyd
Webber:
Now we are set.
We'll film this Phantom movie after all.
We've been smarter than the phans of the Knight.
Those dumb M.C. die-hard phans
Will pour their hearts out,
For they must admit that we have been right.
We have A.B.!
Once and for all,
We will prove beyond doubt
That A.B. can be The Phantom, alright.
The phans believe in the voice of M.C.
They have campaign's attacking us
Just like knives.
Ok, so they're smart.
But we've got power and wealth.
They cannot stop us
Since Ben Elton has just finished the script.
We've very sure of our goals.
We know which Phantom to cast.
After all, we hold the movie rights.
Ben Elton's script is in motion.
Phantom will never be the same!
...Why are we the only one's who like this version?
(DIERDRE and the PHANS ambush ALW.)
Dierdre:
Keep your promise
Or our hearts will be broken.
Keep your promise
Or else we'll feel betrayed.
Cast M.C. before it's too late.
If you do, then we will all celebrate!
Dierdre & Jake:
Better to cast the original Phantom
Than some tone-deaf,
Bloated, Spanish ego.
We want M.C., not this black-hearted "artist."
We want someone in the musical "know."
All Phans:
When your hour of power is over,
We'll be dancing in the cinema's aisles.
We are sure of our goals.
We know which Phantom we want.
We'll take over your jobs,
If that's what it takes!
We are in motion,
And soon M.C. will be seen
On that big silver screen!
So all of you had better watch out!
We don't want a git and a fart.
Watch out!
The true Phantom's captured our hearts.
Watch out!
You gotta see M.C. play the part.
You gotta see M.C. play the part.
Dierdre & Phans:
Let the rebels begin.
Let the fire be started.
Elton's script is for the greedy
And the stony hearted.
Let the phans now be heard
And the imposter deported.
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
And the phony hearted.
Pheste, Jake & Phans: Donna, Melinda, & Phans:
Let the rebels begin.
Let the fire be started. You gotta see M.C. play the
part!
Elton's script is for the greedy
And the stony hearted. The true Phantom's captured our
hearts!
Let the phans now be heard
And the imposter deported. You gotta see M.C. play the part!
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
And the phony hearted. The true Phantom's captured our
hearts!
Dierdre & Phans:
Let the rebels
begin.
Ahh!
Let the fire be started. You gotta see M.C. play the
part!
Elton's script is for the
greedy
Ahh!
And the stony hearted. The true Phantom's captured our
hearts!
Let the phans now be
heard
Ahh!
And the imposter deported. You gotta see M.C. play the part!
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
Ahh!
And the phony hearted. The true Phantom's captured our
hearts!
All Phans:
We are tired of injustice.
Now we want some results!
So come on, you P.T.B.,
The Phantom you must cast is M.C.!
Phans: Pheste, Jake, & Men:
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
The true Phantom's captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part! You gotta see M.C. play
the part!
All Phans:
The true Phantom's captured our hearts!
When your hour of power is over,
We'll be dancing in the cinema's aisles.
We are sure of our goals.
We know which Phantom we want.
We'll take over your jobs,
If that's what it takes!
We are in motion
And soon M.C. will be seen
On that big silver screen!
So all of you had better watch out!
We don't want a git and a fart.
Watch out!
The true Phantom's captured our hearts.
Watch out!
You gotta see M.C. play the part.
You gotta see M.C. play the part.
Dierdre, Donna, Melinda, & Men:
Let the rebels begin.
Let the fire be started.
Elton's script is for the greedy
And the stony hearted.
Pheste, Jake, & Women: Dierdre, Donna, Melinda, & Men:
Let the phans now be heard
And the imposter deported. You gotta see M.C.
play the part!
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
And the phony hearted. The true Phantom’s captured our
hearts!
Let the rebels begin.
Let the fire be started. You gotta see
M.C. play the part!
Elton's script is for the greedy
And the stony hearted. The true Phantom's
captured our hearts!
Dierdre, Donna, Melinda, & Men: Pheste, Jake, & Women:
Let the phans now be heard
And the imposter deported. You gotta see M.C.
play the part!
A.B.'s Phantom's for the dimbulbs
And the phony hearted. The true Phantom's
capture our hearts!
All Phans:
We are tired of injustice.
Now we want some results!
So come on, you PTB,
The Phantom you must cast is M.C.!
Phans: Men:
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
The true Phantom's captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part! You gotta
see M.C. play the part!
The true Phantom’s captured our hearts!
You gotta see M.C. play the part! You gotta see M.C. play the part!
All Phans:
He captures your heart
And he steals the show.
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
He captures your heart
And he steals the show.
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
He captures your heart
And he steals the show.
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
He captures your heart
And he steals the show.
Nothing's gonna stop him!
Our Phantom's on a roll!
Ahh!
Ahh!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
You gotta see M.C. play the part!
(Now begins a repeated ad-lib/fade during which the phans proceed to ambush The Powers That Be, tear up Ben Elton's script, take over the Warner Bros. offices, and start to produce "The Phantom of the Opera" movie themselves, VON CRAWFORD laughing triumphantly. ) J
