Crawford Triumphant

Act II

SCENE XIII

Our party of TMCPMC members wander down to the River Seine, where they board a Bateau Mouche. The river looks like a million diamonds shining in the darkness, and as the boat glides along, they feel magic of The Phantom Of The Opera surround them. Thinking thoughts of Lord Lloyd-Webber, they wish he could share in this wondrous moment and open his heart to the fans, and they break into song:

The Magic Can Surround You
(To the tune of "The Magic That Surrounds You" from EFX)

Mme Haute Couture:
The magic can surround you,
The magic can surround you,
It's the kind of magic you were once a part of!
It's the magic in the air, Lord Lloyd-Webber we're aware,
In the past, its power you were in support of….
Open your eyes Lord, open your heart and soul,
Let the fans embrace you and you're on your way…
Open your eyes Lord. Open your mind, remember...
When the world was filled with magic every day….

Mlle Eau de Toilette:
The magic can surround you,
The magic can surround you,
It's the magic that is yours if you could see it…
Hear the truth that's in our pleas, we are hoping to succeed….
And you'll open to the magic and receive it.
Look at your life, Lord, look at the road ahead,
Starting from this moment you can change the way!
Look at the path Lord, at this moment leading nowhere,
Your life is what you make it everyday!
Everyday…..

Entire Group:
The magic can surround you,
The magic can surround you,
It's the kind of magic we would be a part of!
It's the magic world of light; it's the Music of the Night,
If you'll remember all the beauty you'll reclaim it….
Open your eyes Lord! Open your heart and soul!
Let the fans embrace you and you're ON YOUR WAY!
Open your eyes Lord. Open your mind, remember…..
When the world was filled with magic everyday….
Everyday……

SCENE XIV

Viscomte de Fuselage, Mme Guillotine & Baron Connoisseur return to Paris feeling rather low. At Orly airport, they bump into a group of English fans, who call themselves "The Chief Mourners" and who have come to see The Paris Opera House for themselves. On a bus into Paris, they commiserate with each other, sadly singing:

From The Hearts Of Many
(To the tune of "Counting Up To Twenty" from EFX)

Viscomte de Fuselage, Mme Guillotine & Baron Connoisseur:
The road we traveled on, has never been the one of least resistance.
We've made it through three years, with agony and tears, and sheer persistence….
To the edge of Lord Webber's world….

Chief Mourners:
From the hearts of many, it has been difficult for some…
But the voice became that of plenty…
And it was easy, to speak as we were one…..

Viscomte de Fuselage, Mme Guillotine & Baron Connoisseur:
Three long years ago, we were ready to start our fan rebellion.
And almost acquired the clout, to take the Pretender out, that was our intention…
It's amazing we're all still here!

Chief Mourners:
From the hearts of many, it has been difficult for some…
But the voice became that of plenty…
And it was easy, to speak as we were one…

Viscomte de Fuselage, Mme Guillotine & Baron Connoisseur:
You can call us all fools, but we are fools with hopeful hearts!
We are optimistic fans, we believe we can change it!
We don't always sleep peaceful in the night,
Waiting for the 'light' to wake Lord Webber…
Our thoughts are with the young,
They must be the ones for which we save this,
We just have to make 'them' see!!!

Chief Mourners:
From the hearts of many, it has been difficult for some….
But the voice became that of plenty…
And it was easy, to speak as we were one…

SCENE XV

Viscomte de Fuselage, Mme Guillotine & Baron Connoisseur arrive at TMCPMC's office and are delighted to hear that Erik, The Phantom Of The Opera, has given his personal approval to the campaign. Over lunch there, with Mme Piece de Resistance, they discuss TMCPMC's future plans, enjoy rather too many glasses of Guinness and fall about laughing:

The Fun Song
(To the tune of "The Pun Song" from Alice's Adventures In Wonderland)

Mme Guillotine:
What a riddle it's become,
All this worry is no fun.
The worse it gets,
The more we need to laugh
Until we are quite done!!

Baron Connoisseur:
We don't wish to be cruel,
But this has become a duel
These are the jests that we love best,
They're irristibuel!

Viscomte de Fuselage:
I've got one! Who, looks this glum?

Mme Guillotine:
I haven't the faintest idea. Do tell me, who looks that glum?

Viscomte de Fuselage:
Haha, Andrew!!!!!!!

All Four:
Oh! Hahahahahahaha!

Mme Guillotine:
That's awful. Oh, but that's a scream!
It's the saddest thing I've ever seen!
That's naughty, what a joke!
But it's not as bad as this one that really makes me choke!

Mme Guillotine:
Now then, WHEN was Michael's Phantom Contract signed?

Baron Connoiseur:
Er, I don't know! Huh, WHEN was Michael's Contract signed?

Mme Guillotine:
Huhhuhhuh! It was signed YEARS AGO!!!

All Four:
Ohhhh! Hahahahahahaha!

Baron Connoisseur:
What disgrace! What a low! They have sunk just as far as they can go!
They're as daft as can be, but it will be their own fault if they do not want to seeeheeeee!

Baron Connoisseur:
How do you know if the Phantom movie will fail?

Mme Piece de Resistance:
I don't know! How do you know if the Phantom movie will fail?

Baron Connoisseur:
You cast Antonio Banderas!

All Four:
Aaaaaaagh! Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Mme Piece de Resistance:
Sad but true! Oh, how droll! It's our Michael who comes top of every poll!
It's bonkers! It's a farce! You won't see Banderas handsome face behind that mask?!!

Mme Piece de Resistance:
Which Movie Company made the biggest loss?

Viscomte de Fuselage:
Oh, I'd love to know! Which Movie Company did make the biggest loss?

Mme Piece de Resistance:
The one that made the biggest flop!!!!!

All Four:
Aaaaaaagh! Hahahahahahah!!!!!!!

Viscomte de Fuselage:
It was boring! It was bad! It was the worst Phantom movie that we've had!
They really were such fools! They showed themselves to be the ones who really are the ghouls!!

Viscomte de Fuselage:
Now then, what did The Opera Ghost say to Andrew Lloyd Webber?

Baron Connoisseur:
I don't know. Er, what did The Opera Ghost say to Webber?

Viscomte de Fuselage:
"YOUR HAND TO THE LEVEL OF YOUR EYES!"

All Four:
Aaaaaaagh! Hahahahaha!!!!!

All Four:
If this movie's sent you barmy!
If you want to call the army!
You can sing this charmy fun song!

SCENE XVI

From inside the TMCPMC office, Mme Piece de Resistance, Baron Connoisseur, Mme Guillotine & Viscomte de Fuselage hear voices singing loudly. Opening the window, they discover that The Chief Mourners are paying them a visit. They join in with the singing and then invite them in for Marmite sandwiches:

Michael Crawford's Right For The Part!
(To the tune of "Some Of Us Belong To The Stars" from Billy)
(Reprise)

Chief Mourners:
Michael Crawford's right for the part,
Do you want a movie crisis?
If you want the world to applaud,
Then don't make sacrifices.

Right now this film won't even be quite good,
The Queen won't give Banderas a knighthood!!
But Michael has got the OBE so far.
He is right for the part!

Michael Crawford's right for the part.
He's much acclaimed for it.
They queued for days outside the theatre
It's foolish to ignore it.

It's not his fault if all prefer his portrayal,
He is as sought after as the Holy Grail!
He's won a place here in everybody's heart.
He is right for the part!

Michael Crawford's right for the part.
They'll all book up to see him!
Can't you see his name way up there.
Lights glittering and gleaming?!

Mme Guillotine, M. Jardiniere, Viscomte de Fuselage,
Mlle Crepe Suzette & Baron Connoisseur
Before he sings Michael gets an ovation,
IMAGINE THE MOVIE CELEBRATION!!!
We'll end the Campaign if he's the star,
Someone, write that down!
Michael's right for the part!
Michael's right for the part!
He is right!!
He is right for the part!
For the part!

SCENE XVII

After a long and trying day at his office, Lord Lloyd-Webber arrives back at Sydmonton Hall. He decides to take a shower in his Grecian style bathroom. Suddenly, the water turns icy cold and The Phantom's majestic voice echoes around the room - "I'm here, I'm HERE, I'M HERE! Lord Lloyd-Webber, shivering uncontrollably, peers nervously through the shower curtain, but there is no one to be seen! "Madeleine, is that you?" he asks. "Non, c'est moi, Monsieur!" Erik replies.......

The Last Word Is Mine
(To the tune "The Last Word Is Mine" from Alice's Adventures In Wonderland)

Erik, The Phantom Of The Opera:
I am right this time, so please refrain,
Disobedience to my demands, I just will not entertain!
Don't answer me no, all will be fine....
The last word is MINE!

So try washing your brain, Andrew, at once!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
I must be wary......
'Cos Warners have chosen a 'name', that's a fact.
They want a movie star in on the act,
I must be wary....

Erik, The Phantom Of The Opera:
Don't be stupid! What fools they are!
If I say don't be wary, don't be wary!

You won't change my mind, my word is law!
Time's diminishing, we must be finishing,
This conversation's a bore!
Agree with me now, don't sulk or pine.
The last word is MINE!

So go and call Michael Crawford, Andrew! At once!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
But I'm not able...
'Cos I've made a promise to Signor Ban-de-ras.
A Spanish Phantom will be such a 'gas'.
I'm not able....

Erik, The Phantom Of The Opera:
If I say you're able, then you ARE able!

You must learn, my Lord, that I am right!
Learn to be teachable and not unreachable,
And your film will turn out all right!
I'll tell you once more, get Michael signed!
The last word is MINE!

SCENE XVIII

Mme Haute Couture has invited TMCPMC members to a special exposition in the Musee de Louvre, of the priceless, original Phantom mask, as worn by Michael Crawford on opening night at Her Majesty's Theatre. Thousands of Parisians have gathered to see the treasured mask, numerous TMCPMC flyers are handed out and the evening finally ends on a glorious note with everyone joining together in riotous song:

The Intergalactic Circus Of Blunders!
(To the tune of "The Intergalactic Circus Of Wonders" from EFX)

M. Jardiniere:
Coming to you from beyond the stars.
As much of a mess as in 'worms filling jars'…
The intergalactic show of the 'Stars'!

Entire Company:
Step right up, one and all to the biggest farce of all!
It's the intergalactic Circus of Blunders…
Step right up, come on in,
They're just waiting to begin,
The intergalactic Circus of Blunders…

Mlle Haute Couture:
From the deepest part of wealth, they will change the script with stealth.
So much for the fantastic, worlds largest-ever record breaking show!!!!
Step right up, one and all to the biggest betrayal of all,
It's the intergalactic Circus of Blunders!

Mlle Eau de Toilette:
Time is up, old script out,
Stomp your feet, give a shout!
The intergalactic Circus of Blunders!!!!!
Welcome boys, welcome girls
To the saddest story in theatre's world,
The intergalactic Circus of Blunders…

Entire Company:
Shout from heights, sound the horn!
Make them worry, show your scorn!
For the most incredible sell out of any show!
Step right up, one and all to the darkest tale of all!
It's the intergalactic Circus of Blunders……

The most non-fantastic, forgettableastic!
Unhappyeverastic...
Hollow and plastic....
Intergalactic Circus of Blunders!!!!!

SCENE XIX

Mme Haute Couture and TMCPMC members go to The Bois de Boulogne for a midnight picnic in Michael's honour. They notice that their friends, Mme Guillotine and M. Avant-Garde are missing. The stars are shining and the moon is bright above them. In this magical setting they ponder whether Michael will ever play the Phantom again:

Our Phantom Friend
(To the tune of "Tonight" from EFX)

Mlle Crepe Suzette:
Don't you fear for us,
Michael will always be dear to us.

Mme Piece de Resistance:
Don't give up yet.
We may still see him play our friend.
I still see him there,
Playing Erik in his dark despair.
How sweet it was to get to know our Phantom friend.

Mlle Eau de Toilette & Mme Haute Couture:
We are upset, won't be consoled!
We only want dear Michael in the movie role.

Mme Piece de Resistance:
But there's still hope and memory -
No greater Phantom could there ever be!
He's here, he's here and in my mind
And I would love his Phantom captured for all time!

Mlle Eau de Toilette & Mme Haute Couture:
We will not let this end, The Angel of Music will live again.
We won't accept another as our Phantom friend.

Entire Group:
*Can't you see him now?
We can't let him go,
Can't you see there's no goodbye for us.
Some day, some way, we'll see him play our Phantom friend.
Don't be afraid, Don't be afraid.
We can't escape this need to hear him sing.
He's here, he's here and in our minds
And we would love his Phantom captured for all time!

*Repeat

SCENE XX

In the early hours of the morning, they find themselves outside the Paris Opera, accompanied by The Chief Mourners. Dear Erik's presence is tangible and they weep as they sing a sad song dedicated to Lord Lloyd-Webber, whose heart now seems destined to remain hardened to their pleas. The Phantom movie cast with Michael Crawford appears to be only a fading dream:

Somewhere In Time
(To the tune of "Somewhere In Time" from EFX)

Mlle Eau de Toilette:
Where there is time, there's still tomorrow.
Somehow we hope these sorrows pass to memory.
Please let the end, be as the beginning,
And make the promised film, as you once meant it to be...

Mme Haute Couture:
Where there is time, there is a circle,
And in our hearts we yearn for all to be complete.
Though you may feel this is intrusion,
We hope there's time, and it's not too late to make you see….
Somehow in time, you'll save his performance,
While he's still here, the time is now,
To last for all time.

Chief Mourners:
Somehow we know…this moment's waiting,
Somewhere in time…..

Mlle Eau de Toilette:
Where there is time, there is a circle,
We count on you to complete the Phantom's history,
Please open your heart, love is forever
A love that's here, a love that's now
To last for all time…

Chief Mourners:
Somehow we know…this moment's waiting,
Somewhere in time…..

SCENE XXI

Suddenly, Erik, The Phantom Of The Opera appears on the steps of the Paris Opera and in a voice like thunder, roars!!!!

YOU THINK THAT'S HOW IT ENDS?

THAT'S not an Ending!!!!!

THIS is an Ending!!!!!!!!!!!!

Erik invites everyone inside via a secret door that leads to the stage. To everyone's surprise, M. Avant-Garde & Mme Guillotine suddenly appear, the bright lights of the theatre magically turn on, and the duo begins to sing:

Join The Millions!!!!!!
(To the tune of "Join The Circus" from Barnum)

M. Avant-Garde:
When Warner Brothers throws out yet another dumb script!
When you realize the actor you have chosen's unfit!
When the fans don't like your latest show, not one little bit!
Follow our tip! There is no need to flip!

Both:
*Just join the millions who want genius - Crawford is your man!
Cast him as you once said that you would, be thankful that you still can!
What became of your so brilliant mind? End this sad decline!
Get that contract and that purple pen,
For our true Phantom friend, ready to sign!
Bless your socks! You'll never be sorry when,
His name's on that dotted line!

Mme Guillotine:
When the critics pan your music and your profits depart,
When your script writer says he's known as a git and a fart!
When you've got a bit' o trouble and you nearly lose heart!
Don't fall apart! You can make a new start!

Both:
Just join the millions who want genius - Crawford is the one!
Pick up that old telephone and say, "Sing for me, the part you've won!"
Get this Phantom movie on the road. Andrew, make our day!
Toss your inflexibility down the pan!
Make a change of plan, pride thrown away!
Scrap that guy who's just an 'also ran',
Give us quality, we pray!

ERIK APPEARS IN BOX FIVE AND SINGS:
When the public are all asking if you've gone a bit dim!
When you notice that your chance of success is getting slim!
When you still use Crawford's voice in all your advertising!
Bear it and grin! And repent of your 'sin'!

Entire Company:
* Repeat

SUDDENLY, LORD LLOYD-WEBBER STEPS FROM THE WINGS AND SINGS:
See those glowing candles start to rise!

Entire Company:
Phantom, Phantom!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
Crawford's voice always electrifies!

Entire Company:
Phantom, Phantom!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
It will be a hit if I make sure he's cast!

Entire Company:
Michael's the only one we want to sing behind the mask!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
Give me the greatness that won many accolades!

Entire Company:
Phantom, Phantom!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
Get me Crawford before all hope fades!

Entire Company:
Phantom, Phantom! Tell Warners that Crawford is a must!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
Michael, I do regret all the fuss!

Entire Company:
Send condolences to Banderas!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
Mr. Crawford, make this film with us!

THERE IS A LIGHTENING FLASH IN BOX FIVE, ERIK VANISHES AND MICHAEL CRAWFORD APPEARS IN HIS PLACE:
All right! Damn it! Let's make this movie A GREAT!
That's a YES! and I'm ready to go!

MR. WEBBER, YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF YOUR PHANTOM!!!!

Lord Lloyd-Webber:
To the biggest film in Hollywood!

Michael:
TO THE GREATEST FILM ON EARTH!!!!!

Entire Company:
When The Phantom comes your way!

Warner Bros. Executives appear on stage, link arms with Lord Lloyd-Webber and sing:
We joined the millions who want genius - CRAWFORD IS OUR MAN!
We'll cast him as we once said that we would and are thankful we still can!
We do not know now how we could have been so dumb and blind!
Get that contract and that purple pen,
For our true Phantom friend, ready to sign!
Bless our socks, we'll never be sorry when
His name's on that line - Our Phantom!
Say you'll book up to see Our Phantom!
Step right this way and see Our Phantom!
They'll buy the tickets bloomin' faaaast! faaaaast!
Join us here to see your dream come true!
We can see it all your way - AT LONG LAAAAAAST!!!!!!

M. Jardiniere steps forward, and begins to sing a few lines to celebrate Lord Lloyd-Webber's change of heart:

Black And White
(To the tune of "Black And White" from Barnum)

M. Jardiniere:
Black and white, he's had his fill of living Black and White!
His power scraped the sky, but the movie's plans had gone awry!
The fans had won the day, and in the end this Lord they did sway,
As much as he had tried, he finally hired the right guy...
The end of a three year fight and living Black and White...

Black and White...
He's had his fill of living Black and White...
So Long, Ta Ta Good Niiggghhhttt....
Bye! Bye! Black aaaaaannndddd White!!!!!!!!!

The Entire Company then turn towards Michael Crawford standing in Box Five and sing in joyous chorus:

Hello Michael !
(To the tune of "Hello Dolly" from Hello Dolly!)

Entire Company:
Hello Michael, Well, HELLO Michael!
It's so NICE to have you back where YOU belong!!!
You're looking SWELL Michael, we can tell Michael…
You're still glowing. You're still crowing, you're still going strong!

We see the Lair waiting, and we're anticipating,
Hearing you sing songs from "Phantom" once again….
Soooooo….
Stand up and clap, Fellas!
He's staying where he's at, Fellas!
Michael will never go away again!!!!!

Mlle Piece de Resistance:
He went away from the lights of the theatre,
And far from his days on the stage……
But now that he's back in the bright lights of Hollywood,
Tomorrow will be brighter than the good old days!!!!!
THE GOOD OLD DAYS!!!!!!!

Entire Company:
Hello MICHAEL! Well, hello MICHAEL!!!
It's so nice you're back, we thank our lucky stars!!!
You're looking GREAT Michael! We can't wait Michael!!
We are overjoyed, and overwhelmed, and millions strong!

The story's now without a wrinkle, and those lights around you twinkle,
We managed to convince all those important men….
(Look at them all, they're all convinced now!)
Golly gee Fellas, give him a hefty fee Fellas!
Michael will never go away again!!!!!

Weeeelllllllll… Heeeelloooo MICHAEL, YES! Hello MICHAEL!!
It's so NICE to have you back where YOU belong!!!!
You're looking SWELL Michael, we can tell Michael…
You're still glowing. You're still crowing, you're still GOING STRONG!

We see the Lair waiting, and we're anticipating,
Hearing you sing songs from "Phantom" once again….
Soooooo….

WOW! WOW! WOW! Fellas!!!
Look at the Phantom NOW! Fellas!!!

Michael will never go away,

Michael will NEVER go away!!!

Michael will NEVER go away AGAIN!!!!

LOUD CHEERING and DEAFENING APPLAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FIN.........................Oh No! This Is Just The Beginning!